Sometimes a Smile just isn't enough!

I have had this phrase lately that I have been using to help de-stress: "Just Smile Through the Torture. Everything is better with a Smile." Well, maybe a little but sometimes seriously - I really just want my life to get back in order. My To Do list is a mile long - I am behind on everything from toilets to mopping to laundry to this blog and just can't seem to get caught up. I can't wait until I can load my pics on the computer and blog about fun with Courtney, crafts, our Disneyland trip, my birthday fun, the Bon Jovi Concert and all the other exciting events that have gone on among the disfunction. I am so looking forward to cricuting and getting some photo albums together. I want to finish decluttering and, yes, even eventually find the next to perfect home so we can move forward. The "I want to do.....or finish....." lists are many and yet instead of getting checked off they seem to just gather dust and haunt me daily. Even this minute I am feeling a little stressed about the things calling my name (the toilets and floors for instance) that just won't clean themselves. Uhgggggg! Repeating "just smile" isn't working as well lately. Mostly its just making me laugh a hysterical hyena type laugh which really makes me think I might need to be heavily medicated!

Well I am off to attempt to gain control and order. Hopefully very soon I will claim victory and finally be master of my To Do list - maybe even with a Smile!

Reflection

I am sitting at this computer the last few minutes of my 30s, dreading turning 40, having just spent the last few minutes crying, wondering what the heck have I done with my life. As I spent some time today, my last day in my 30s, thinking back over my life, I began to focus on so many things that left me feeling frustrated, sad, sorry and even ticked off. I felt a failure in so much of my life. And then, as I began to feel overwhelmed with the horror of turning 40 and this wretch that I had become, I began to see the truly shining blessings in my life. Guess what! I made it to 40! Me! Who knew I could do it and all in one piece:) I have lived (some of it bad, some of it sad, and some of it glorious). Much of my first 40 years have been lived less than gracefully (I have the bruises to show for it), however, I have also been blessed with true miracles, more than I can count and even some I am still unaware of.

The most important gift I have gained is the knowledge that I have a Father in Heaven who loves me! He has walked with me, held my hand, carried me, forgiven me and truly helped me to know that even I am worthy of His love. I have been blessed with an incredible family and true friends who have laughed and cried with me. I have a husband who has stood by me even when it was hard. And I have been blessed to be a mother! The single greatest gift and the most incredible thing to have happened to me.

I am sure that I will probably spend part of my day tomorrow curled up in a fetal position, however, as of this minute all I want to say is - Bring it on 40! Let the next part of the journey begin!